Theres always a beginning.......

Every time you change your state of mind theres another beginning. Every time you close your eyes you're bound to see another door open. You'll see things how you see them: so change the way you look at them. If things aren't going how you would like, close your eyes and allow for those beautiful, wide doors to open. Let them swing, just as the bells swing in a revolution, declaring freedom. Declare your freedom from your bad times and make a pact to yourself to be the catlyst for your own smile or your new state of mind! : )  Each day is a new day. Close your eyes. Change your life.

Loneliness, My Notorious Friend

        Mrs. Akers class resulted in one good thing this year. She gave me time to write. Here's a piece I wrote for a free write but we were given a general topic. Just because I am writing in first person doesn't mean I am writing about my life.. keep that in mind! ;)

       "I live life sheltered and alone, only clinging to the distant love of my parents. Their love used to keep my warm but its glow has grown cold. The shelter of their smiles used to keep out the weather but now that I am alone, the wind has become overwhelming. I was introduced sorely to a frightful reality. Step by step my feet grew heavy and my smile became weary. To me their love became a whisper.

         I dragged myself to and from school each day, distanced from everyone; not even my shadow could have been trusted. I did not allow anyone to enter into the lonely, dark corridors of my heart because all love will eventually fail and fall through when you need it most. Instead I, to the brim, fill up my jar with expendable memories and I leave all emotion clear out of the way, hidden from the world.
      

       To the world my life is a truism but the real "me" is hidden and unknown. I now live in the notorious state known to the world as loneliness but it really isn't as bad of a place and most think. Once one learns to wield the power of loneliness, they will never be alone again. Loneliness really isn't as sad of a place as most think. Once one learns to wield the tricks of sadness, there is no more need for tears. Once one learns to wield the crafts of being sad, they will discover much more than the "happy" man.
Loneliness, sadness and darkness are all key parts of our lives. Conquer them and learn to gain control and you will be powerful beyond belief."

Submerged Love!

-This is what you get when someone special asks you to write them a poem. This was written in a clean 15 minutes so judge accordingly please! :)

"The crests of her smile remind me of the dark, beautiful depths of the ocean. When she smiles it seems like its just for me, hidden from the rest of the world. Her soft, loving words are like the slow rising tide between my toes. With every wave our love surely grows. Her love is composed of smiles and salt. I am covered in the oceans of love. These wonderful waters quench my thirst and I don't ever want to go back to my old ways of dry, barren love. The waters of love have drowned me but I feel no need to resist. With love, I am calm. with love, I no longer thirst."

I know that you are a million miles away by now but if you ever come back around, please know that I am sorry. The pressure got to my head when I was low and mindless. And you deserve better, much better. When you come back around my town and find pieces of my heart across the floor please note that it once smiled for you, before I opened my mouth. I'm sorry that I am sorry for saying sorry without the needed amount of sincerity. This miscalculation has only brought me here to dine with my old, forgotten friend, misery.  Again my whisper calls out... "Im sorry..."

Warmth in the Reflections of Christ

Do you know that feeling where the Spirit is just strong enough that you can almost put a title of the feeling that you are experiencing but no exact words come to mind, just a still breeze in your mind? Your lips begin to proclaim but then they begin to shake and silently close without causing a scene. The ink on the page begins to flow but is gradually clogs. I have become well acquainted with this numbing embrace and this is my attempt to overcome this overwhelming force. I KNOW that my Redeemer lives and He loves me  as no one I have known could love. He sends the Spirit with the hope to bring me closer unto Him. Inch by inch I crawl closer to the one that knows me most. He is aware of the calamities that wait ahead and He waits for me to come crashing down onto my humble heart. With scars on my knees and hope far behind me, I reach, searching for the answers that He longs to give me. It seems impossible to explain the peace that finds me when I am alone and cold, shivering and barely hanging on but none the less, the peace finds me and welcomes me, just as a Shepard to a lost sheep, just as Christ once did and always does. The peace smiles at me and I know for certain that it loves me and wants me to be happy. Christ's love and enduring grace reflects onto my soul as the sunlight over the lake. The warm, tender captivation stops me every time and leaves a smile on my face that cannot be defeated. With Him, I am strong!

Blind at Noon!

I hate myself for hating you. It's the virus inside of me that is crippling me by the second. The venom is settling in and I don't know where I am. I don't know who I am. I'm only aware of being lost somewhere, somewhere dark. The winding tunnels look like nothing I have ever known in my life. These halls are ever changing. Finally I stumbled across a light, dim but useful. With the newly found asset my journey's lungs were filled with fresh, new air. The chambers were now lit, showing all of the details on the walls like a heart on the sleeve. The light that was once a blessing has now brought me incredible pain; the truth. I realized that the endless, dark, gloomy halls that I had been travelling through had been my very own heart. It was mine but it was as common to me as an old German comic book. It scared me more than anything before that I had ever experienced. The farther I stay away, the happier (blinder) I am. Since that day I tore my heart off of my sleeve and vowed never to trust again! I crashed the lamp and fell to the floor breath-taken, barely with a beating pulse and I swore never to open my eyes again! I love the dark and how its love wont just walk away...

Love Pyromania!

It's that time again in which I feel the desire to spill out my heart with some ink on this cold, unfeeling computer screen. The root of my emotions is still blurry and unclear so I thought that writing this might open a venue into the unknown,dark,distant,cold pathways of my lonely,soulless heart.
I'm searching for the answers in this starless horizon, without her; without her but with someone else.
I'm with someone but I feel alone, even while she is holding me tight and smiling her smile; I feel empty and I'm only thinking of you. Your smile fills my cavities with a lovely, warm feeling like that of a cozy fireplace. Instead of a slight ember burning in my soul I wish that you would set me to flames using the kerosene of your love. I wish you would drench me and let the flames engulf my spirit. You could be the arsonist of our love and neither of us would ever have to feel the chilled, bitterness of the passing wind ever again. What do you say? I'll get the matches and you bring that resounding smile of yours and I think we'll have a deal. Once our love is kindled I'll never let it fade. I long to be obsessed with your sea of flames and every time I think of you I am scorched more severely. Your fire makes me whole. You satisfy my soul.